8th grader is dared to accomplish something that results in the boy being caught in a pipe with a wild animal.
In 1976 Mike Downing was an eighth grader. He was in his last year of middle school. The homecoming game had been the night before. Now it was time to celebrate the team winning with a dance. This was no ordinary dance. Not to Mike. You see he was a portly boy. Or had been. Mike had worked very hard that summer to lose weight and butch up. He lifted weights and ran everywhere he went. Mike would not let a day go by that he didn’t get out and exercise, watch what he ate, and he even tried to keep the same sleep schedule. Though he was only mildly successful with the latter, by the end of August he was looking good.
School started and Mike received many compliments about how he’d made a change for the better. When it came time for the first dance of the year, the homecoming dance, he was excited at the prospect of taking a date. Mike had his preference of course, but he had to think practically if he wanted to do more than just dream. So he asked a girl that was nice and sorta pretty. She shot him down cold.
It doesn’t get better. Mike was turned down two more times and then decided to give up. The alternative was to risk becoming Mr Turneddown. Which if he knew his peers would then become Mr Turd. Or Mr Turdown. Eventually it would become softened the way you would a name like William. Only instead of being called Bill his nickname would be Turdie.
“Say have you seen how much weight Turdie has lost?” Says one kid.
“Yeah. Turdie isn’t careful he’s gonna become a floater.” laughed another. “And nobody likes a floater.”
From there he imagined it coming close to full circle when to prevent getting in trouble by a teacher that is close enough to hear, the student had to make a quick change. Instead of calling him floater the name would morph again. What is a floater? It makes you flush twice. That’s a water waster. WW. That’d be what his nickname settled at. Of course, that opens the door for a number of explanations for what WW would stand for. Wimpy Wiener. Wet Wiener. Wet and Wimpy. Wantsa Wiener. Wuddle Wiener, Whittled Wiener, Wost Wiener, and what he was sure would become his favorite: Widdle Wiener. And its European pronounciation: Wittle Wiener.
Mike was lost in thought and then the bell rang and he realized he was late for his next class. He felt lucky it was a shop class and the teacher was pretty decent about small stuff. He was able to bypass going to his locker which saved a lot of time. He light-footed his way into the classroom.
The next day Mike agreed to meet his friends at the dance even though he wasn’t going with a date. It still represented the oportunity to get out of the house. Kyle would most likely have something planned. He could get excited about that if nothing else. It was sure to be something they shouldn’t be doing. Plus the girls would be there if they didn’t have dates. There were three girls who usualy hung with his crowd. One of them was the hottest girl in the class. Shoot it was worth going to the dance just to be able to look at her all dressed up.
On the night of the dance it became obvious most the kids had paired up to be each other’s dates. The kids that did not were pretty much left to find a way to entertain themselves since they didn’t have anyone with whom to dance. Refreshments were served. The lights in the gym were turned down low. Music blasted over the speakers. An upbeat tune with a good beat seemed to play in stride with the lights which dotted the large room in a dancing display launched from a glitter ball that was hung over center court. It was a nice get together for anyone with a date.
Single attendees were not completely forgotten. Mike wasn’t sure and he didn’t think anybody else was sure either on how the rule came to be. Somehow it was known that the males without a date were to stand on one side of the gym while the single girls occupied the other. Each side hoping someone would come and ask them to dance.
There is almost no escape from such humiliation. That is why it was such a relief when the word came around that Rhonda was finished with her duties as the homecoming queen and we could all re-assemble in the school parking lot where the real fun would be had. By the use of the word ‘all’ what was meant was everyone who was in the pre-planned agreement to meet in the parking lot when Rhonda was able to get away.
Kyle had an older brother that was going to buy beer for whoever wanted some. Everyone pitched in and after paying about twice what it should have cost: the group of seven had two eight packs of Miller ponies. This would be Mike’s first beer with exception to his been given a taste by his father. To be honest the stuff tasted like crap but if everyone else was drinking it then he would also. One of several mistakes Mike would make before the night was over.
Immediately Kyle Feeney took charge. He was the class football hero after all. Plus it was his brother that was buying the beer. There was Brent Bataglia, whom Mike had known since kindergarten. Tom Elmhurst who also was a long time friend. The girls were Tina Crabtree, a loud mouthed skinny girl with brown hair and braces when she smiled. Rhonda Heedon, as mentioned arguably the hottest girl in the class, and Toni Snodgrass, a rather heavy-set girl who was best friends with Rhonda. They both had dyed blonde hair and seemingly laughed in unison.
Kyle said everyone should move out of the school parking lot. It was too easy to get caught there. Next to the school was another school, the grade school, and on the other side of the middle school was a building that had been the high school until a couple of years prior when the new high school was opened for business. Now the old school had been turned into office spaces mostly housing the school district upper echelon. All were gone for the weekend.
The seven made their way down to an intersection where the side road that leads up to the schools intersects with the driveways of the two respective schools. There is a light pole standing along the road there. They sat down there and drank their beer. After finishing the first one conversation turned to what people were willing to do on a dare. Several instances were cited of what students had done in previous years.
Kyle told one story that was particularly frightening. Not because of what the kids had to do but rather because it was a dare that had been taken and carried out right where they were sitting. It didn’t involve anythingactually scary but it did involve getting filthy dirty and he wanted nothing to do with that.
After all he’d come here to enjoy the company of the girls, not to play infantry under ariel attack. You see, the dare was for someone to crawl through the sewer pipe that run under the very road they were sitting on. It wasn’t actually sewer water just runoff from the school. Never the less the person who climbed through the pipe was going to come out the other end filthy. When he was younger, they often played ariel attack when playing ‘guns’. Ariel attack meant you had to get under ground preferably to avoid being killed. Diving into a pipe running under the road was the safest place possible. And of course often times it required going out the other side because the enemy had seen you dive into the pipe and thus would be waiting for you to come out. It never occurred to them that under such conditions the enemy would likely cover both ends of the pipe.
So Mike knew he could do the dare but at the same time it was the last thing he intended to do. He was there to socialize. Kyle was very kind to wait for everyone to finish their first beer and then he handed out the second one. The other guys chugged down their beers so Mike did likewise.
The night took on a blinders feel to it. Mike felt his periphial vision was nearly non-existant. Despite that, he felt very relaxed and he noticed he didn’t feel uncomfortable at all when speaking to the girls. Something not true on most days. But this night he felt really good. What Mike didn’t know was that alcohol effects your judgement first and most. That was why he felt so comfortable speaking to the girls. He had lost that part of himself that prevents a guy from doing really dumb stuff in front of girls that he most wants to not see him do dumb stuff. But thanks to the alcohol he walked right into the dumbest thing possible.
Kyle was talking again about how brave the guy was that crawled through the sewer pipe. What a legend he was! Mike listened to him and then the girls go on about what a feat it was until he just couldn’t stand to listen to it any more. He thought geez! Big deal! So the guy crawled through a pipe. I did that on a regular basis when I was half this age. You’d think the guy had cured pimples or something.
The next thing Mike heard was somebody saying something that he had just thought of in his mind. “I could do it.” Then he realized the noise had come out of his pie hole. He immediately attempted retraction. “But not tonight. I’m not about to get these clothes dirty. I came here to socialize with the ladies and just because I am a complete and utter loser who didn’t even get a date or a dance, doesn’t mean I want to go home filthy on top of all the rest of that failure.”
“What if you got a reward that was better than a dance or date tonight. Would you do it then?” Kyle asked.
What was he up to? He must think I am completely stupid. I’m not falling for his BS. But I am curious. Mike replied in an accusing tone, “Just exactly what do you mean? You got nothing in the way of bargaining power.”
“I do.” Rhonda said. She smiled at Mike and he both melted and grew. “My parents are gone this weekend. You could come over and tan with me tomorrow afternoon. Or if you don’t want to be in your swim trunks we can find something else to do.” Then she added almost as an afterthought, “I’m not promising sex so don’t get to thinking of me like that. I’m just saying I’d spend the day with any guy brave enough to go from one side of the pipe to the other.” She didn’t sign the statement with a kiss but that coy smile might have been just as effective.
Mike’s hands pulled out his house keys and he played with them behind his back. While that happened his mouth answered before his brain even had time for him to envision just how grand that next day might prove to be. “Deal!”
Did I just say that? He thought. Hell yes I did! Dude you’re gonna crawl through a pitch dark sewer pipe that is considerably longer than any of those pipes you got into as a kid. Look how long this intersection is from one side to the other! Easily twice the distance of those you played in. And its not mid-afternoon where you can see the light on the other end of the pipe.
When he zoned back in on what was taking place with his friends it was like being ushered through the check in line at a busy airport. Some of his friends were giving him advice on how he should go about this undertaking. The girls were off to their own and he overheard something about the rules for when he came over to her house. He had time to think to himself maybe he should ask about those rules for the visit before he went into the pipe but then he was being led down the grassy slope to where the pipe lay waiting.
He put the keys back into his pocket. Everything seemed to be happening in sections. Or perhaps a better way to describe it is things happened in pictures. Still pictures. He had one of him looking at the mouth of the pipe. One of him looking back up the slope to get inspiration by gazing upon Rhonda one last time. Then an image of him trying to step around the wet spot directly in front of the pipe. Yet another image of him sizing the pipe and realizing either he had grown or this pipe was smaller than he expected, or both.
To his dismay the pipe was not so small he couldn’t fit into it so there was no other choice but to climb into the pipe. Mike wasn’t through playing his last card however. In his pocket were housekeys attached to a glow in the dark nametag that had his last name glowing. He held that out in front of him which illuminated the immediate area where he was and that was the extent of it. Every move or step he made was echoed through the metal pipe. He thought he could feel the thing vibrating ever so slightly. Mike hunched down on his heels and held out the glow in the dark keychain. Then he thought to himself the best way to do this was to just forge ahead and get it done.
Mike tried to do just that but the cramped spacing made it impossible to do anything but inch along through the pipe. He could have made better time if he would resign to getting his knees wet but he wanted to come out the other end looking somewhat dignified. He tried to concentrate on what the next day might be like spending it with Rhonda.
You can say what you want. That Rhonda was mean-spirited. That she was totally using him. Say anything you wanted. It didn’t matter to Mike. Not as long as Rhonda kept her word. Then he thought about what she had said about not promising sex. Wow! Mike had never had a girl ever act like sex was even possible in the furthest of circumstances. She had said she wasn’t going to promise sex like it was something you’d say every day. To just anybody.
The next several feet of pipe were traversed while feeling no pain at all. Mike was totally lost on the way she had quipped, “not promising sex ..”. He might have stayed that way all the way through the rest of his journey if not for hearing that hissing, growling sound that was echoing through the pipe suddenly. He stopped moving and listened. Something was definitely moving in the pipe ahead of him at some point.
The way it was low-hissing and low-growling he came to the conclusion that it was willing to stand its ground and fight rather than to just scamper out the other end of the pipe. Mike stood there in the darkness of the pipe not sure what to do. Why wasn’t this thing scared of him? He was no fool and knew whatever was in the pipe had to be smaller than him. In nature size matters a lot. The only critter which could be a threat to him was one that didn’t live in the area.
Then the thought came to him it could be a bobcat. Those lived in the area. And they were known to hiss. Yeah but even a bobcat, perhaps better said especially a bobcat would have chosen to flee out the other end of the pipe than to take on something bigger.
What if it can’t get out the other end? We didn’t check it. Maybe there is a fence of some kind blocking entry into the pipe. Something that lets the water through but not .. people. Another hiss echoed down the pipe. Mike thought to himself it was reminding him the fence didn’t let pissed-off growling and hissing animals to pass either. Then came another growl and Mike turned to go back the way he had come. Then he stopped himself. I’m halfway through this damn pipe. I’m going to come out filthy and humilated. I’m not going to do that without getting the date. With that Mike forged ahead with his glow in the dark keychain out in front leading the way.
He heard it on the move again. This time it sounded like it was moving away from him. Thank goodness! Then as Mike continued to go forward he realized the problem that had kept the animal in the pipe with him. He could hear the sound of conversation echoing down through the pipe. His friends had gone to that end to wait on him. Their standing outside the pipe mouth was enough to frighten whatever was in the pipe with him to the point it was choosing to fight him over risking having to fight more than one outside the pipe.
Quite a conclusion to arrive when you are in a pitch dark cramped sewer pipe that now would take a long time to go back the way one had started. And doing so ensured no date the next day. Mike realized he was sweating profusely. It was incredibly hot in this pipe. Or perhaps he was just that scared. He didn’t know any more. Being blind, half drunk, and obviously stupid, he was entering territory where he didn’t care any more about the date. He just wanted out of this cramped hot space that he didn’t think he could stand to go backwards. It was too far.
Mike realized he needed air. He couldn’t breathe in this pipe. It was too musky. Too thick. Too disgusting. Then he did something he had never done before and that was completely out of character. He slapped himself. Hard. It would have been harder but there simply wasn’t room in that cramped space. The action was sufficient to accomplish its goal however. Mike realized he was beginning to panic. He did the only thing he could think of to possibly curb the distraction. He’d seen it done in the movies. He hoped it would work on himself and it did.
Mike croutched down again and forced himself to get right. He decided he would rather fight whatever was waiting than to have to inch his way back through the pipe to safety. Truth was he didn’t think he could make it back through the pipe. He was still suffocating despite telling himself it was all in his mind. Was it? It didn’t feel like it. But then he rationalized that would be the crazy trying to creep in. There is plenty of air. It isn’t too hot. Its just dark. Whatever is waiting will decide to scamper out the pipe ahead of you. And you can then go home.
Its that easy. Just do it. Then Mike had one last idea before forging ahead. He had a jacket on due to the time of year. He took that off and fashioned a mitten around his arm and then over his fishted hand. He grasped the glow in the dark keychain with the mitten hand and began his way forward.
The glow in his glow in the dark keychain was not nearly as vigorous as it had been upon entering the pipe. Still it provided some bit of comfort held out at arms length to know that you weren’t walking into a creature that was of same or similar size. The growling and hissing was becoming louder and definitely sounded closer. Now he could make out the voices outside the pipe.
“Guys there’s an animal in here and it is afraid to come out because you are all there waiting.” Mike said down the pipe towards the opening.
“Okay we’re moving.” Came the reply of a male’s voice. Probably from Kyle but Mike wasn’t sure.
“Here we come!” Mike said to no one in particular. Then he whispered to himself, “No guts no glory.” And started again towards the mouth of the pipe. He had enough of this pipe. Anything was better. A few more feet and he began to see the light provided by the street light up on top of the road. Because of the angle of light coming from back behind the mouth of the pipe it had remained hidden from his view until now.
Suddenly he heard the sound of clawed feet racing toward him. He braced for a fight but only felt the scuffle of something wet and furry as it raced past him back into the darkness of the pipe. Mike hurried his way to the pipe’s mouth and with the last thought to hide his glow in the dark keychain back in his pocket, he plummeted out of the pipe. Mike stumbled but caught himself and then allowed his body to fall back against the slope of the ditch.
Filthy and exhausted from the experience, Mike walked back up the slope to the blacktop road. The girls had given up and gone back to the dance. Kyle and the other boys wanted to know what had happened so Mike told them everything except how he had to slap himself. He still wonders what was in the pipe with him?
The End.